


A Few Candles

by oldglobe



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, Anger, Birthday, Birthday Cake, Brotherly Bonding, Brotp, Comfort/Angst, Emotions, Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard Friendship, Forgiveness, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s), One Shot, Self-Acceptance, Self-Destruction, Short One Shot, SnowQueen / BroTP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:02:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27100909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldglobe/pseuds/oldglobe
Summary: The last time Snow recognized, much less celebrated, her birthday was when she turned seventeen and Spring of that same year she found herself on the run from her step-mother. Now in her mid-thirties, several curses and time hops later, she still doesn't celebrate but those closest to her want to change that... and Regina has just the mind to do it however the past and old feelings are going to be dragged into the light. Things are going to get worst before they can get better.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard
Kudos: 18





	A Few Candles

Laying there in bed was all Snow had accomplished. Slowly watching as the minutes turned into hours, time passing by at a painful crawl. There was no sleep to be had this night as her mind was too busy dreading the daylight hours that were approaching. It was a day that passed every year without her acknowledgement which was all Snow could handle. While she wished she could stay in bed and sedate herself, getting up and going to work seemed to help... or at the very least it took her mind off things but not by much. Unfortunately, her birthday fell on a Saturday this year so taking refuge in teaching and grading papers wasn't going to happen this time around.

At 4:28am she could take no more. Kissing David softly on the cheek, she dragged herself out of bed and slipped into the bathroom for a painfully cold shower. She didn't know why she did it, perhaps it was a stroke of self-loathing or a form of self-harm, she wasn't sure but she did it regardless. Nothing but freezing water beating across her skin for nearly twenty minutes before she called it quits then roughly towel dried her hair and pulled on some jeans with a slightly oversized cream coloured sweater. In the dark ugly hours of this morning she couldn't tell if the boots she put on was her own or Emma's but they fit and it was too late to change them now. Without alerting her husband she slips out the front door, locking it behind her. 

She needed to get out of her own head but today was like a cage with a timer. All she would end up doing was questioning herself as to why she couldn't let these things go and move on. David tried every year to get her to take baby steps forward and enjoy this day, to allow him to celebrate her but she always refused and secretly wished he would stop asking. What hurt her more than anything else was last year on David's birthday. After all the cake cutting, a gift opening.. after everyone had left.. she overheard their four year old son ask his father why his mother didn't have a birthday and all David could reply with was... ' _Momma just doesn't have one_ '. Those words had broken her further and the realization of what sort of internal monster she had created was astounding. Still, nothing had changed in the last twelve months and that small conversation haunted her this year too. Even when she was cursed to live as Mary Margaret her birthday's were painful ordeals that always seemed to go horribly wrong. 

When reality checks in again she finds herself quietly walking along the beach before finally sitting in the cold sand. She's not quite sure how she got there but judging on how cold her fingers and face are she assumes she walked. There in the nearly frosted sand she sits and waits for the sun the come up. And as expected, it begins to rise... the sky becoming a soft cotton candy mixture of blues and pinks as warm streaks of yellow slowly begin to seep into them. The constant cool breeze brushing her hair back as she pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin atop them. Her breathing slows, synchronizing with the waves as they come in before pulling back again. She's tried to let go, she's even trying again now but it doesn't seem to do any good. This day is never kind to her and all she wishes for is to disappear for the next twenty-four hours so that this terrible, terrible day can pass unnoticed.

**"Is this mound of sand taken?"**

For some, it would have seemed like the voice had come out of nowhere, but not for Snow. Though she hadn't needed her survival skills for many years they were undoubtedly still intact. She had known exactly who was there the moment she heard the car door shut from the distant parking lot. **"I'm not in the mood for company."**

 **"Mmm, I know."** Sandals flop down with a thud as the dark-haired woman lowered herself down beside her friend. She doesn't say anything more for the time being, crossing her ankles and leaning back on her hands as she stared straight ahead at the slowly rising sun.

Snow was absolutely frozen to the bone after sitting there for nearly two hours but the time or temperature hadn't even phased her. When the deep and unbelievably bright orange sliver of sun peeks over the horizon and stabs Snow's hazel eyes, she closes them. With a heavy painful sigh she tilts her head down so that her eyesockets rest perfectly on top of her knees... the longest day of the year for her had begun. Now she just had to manage to keep breathing until it was done. **"What do you want, Regina?"** She sounds so tired and completely worn down but then again she has good reason to be. She'd been up for nearly twenty-four hours already and would be for another fourteen if this day goes as it usually does.

**"What do I _want_? ....nothing."**

**"Then why are you here?** **Did David ca-..."**

 **"Yes because he woke up to find his wife missing before dawn. He and your daughter are worried about you.** Regina sits up from her reclined position, her voice as low and calm as the waves in front of them as she pulls her thick wool jacket closed around her. **"You think I don't know what today is? That one day a year I just catch amnesia?"** With this, Snow places her face back into her knees from where it had lifted slightly. This isn't a conversation she wants to participate in. **"When was the last time you even had a cake?"**

 **".....please go away."** The plea is a whisper as she can manage nothing more than that. A sharp stabbing pain filling her chest at just the thought of talking to her former step-mother about this. Regina played a part in why she couldn't acknowledge this day, she and Cora both had a heavy hand in it. 

The two sit there a little longer in silence, the warm rays of the sun burning off the early morning frost that still clung to the earth.

**"A couple days ago I had no intention of running into you today... but then last night I couldn't sleep because I _knew_ what today was."** Her ankles switch places as she waits for the other woman to say something, anything really, but she barely moves. **"Emma called me yesterday... she wants to talk to you about this but doesn't know how so... so I said I would."** Immediately, Snow's on the move. Flinging herself up to her feet as quick as lightening. Regina tries to reach out and stop her but she misses by a mile. **"You have to stop running, Snow!"**

Those words flare up the younger woman's spine as she stops, spins around and storms back to where she had been originally sitting. **"Running? ...RUNNING?! Is that what you all think this is?"** In this moment she's someone the Mayor hasn't seen in a long time. It's like she's seething, her body vibrating under all the years of pent up anger, frustrations and depression that were now bubbling up to the surface and threatening to spill over. **"None of you have an-.."** Her voice breaks mid-sentence but she recovers, just not well enough to mask it. **"...any idea of what this day is like for me!"**

Regina pulls her legs in, turning in the sand so she's sitting on her hip facing Snow. **"That's because you won't let any of us in. All you do is take off like you're trying to do now."** Through the years, Snow and Regina had become close... extremely close to point where there was no fear of retribution from the other over these words ... but once a year, there was a day where the younger one simply disappeared. Sure, things would resume the following day as if nothing had happened but there was still that one cursed day. **"If you won't talk to us, talk to Dr. Hopper or some of your woodland animals."** She was only trying to lighten the thick ocean air around them but she only seems to have struck a nerve judging by Snow's clenched fists.

**"Why, for one goddamn day, can none of you just leave me the hell alone?!"**

**"If that's all you want then schedule a spa day!"**

Snow is so disgusted with herself and this singular moment that she could nearly spit. **"I came here so I could have some peace and quiet and maybe, _just maybe_ , figure out my own thoughts for once. Not come here and hash this out with you, Regina!"** The older woman grabs her sandals and pulls herself to her feet but Snow is already backing up. **"No... you can stay, I'm leaving. I was stupid for thinking I could somehow leave the house without any interference or consequences. This was obviously a mistake."**

**"Snow, wait.."**

**"Forget it, forget all of it."**

**"Just wait, dammit!"** Barefoot in the freezing sand with her shoes swinging next to her, she marches forward trying to keep up with the other. **"And you call this ' _not running_ '... what is it then, huh? This is all you do! Turn and high-tail it when things get too much. Emma was the same way when she first came here but even she has stopped running... Even Emma celebrates her birthday so why can't you?!"**

Snow stops. Her shoulders are heaving as she struggles with the right words. Her emotions are tumbling out of control and it becomes all too evident when she swiftly turns with an open hand raised to strike Regina. The sudden powerful and nearly intoxicating rush of anger had come from seemingly nowhere but both women knew what side of the family it stemmed from. She flinches the second her wrist is caught and there is a surprised look on their faces. **"....I-...I'm..."** A new wave devastation lands on Snow's face as she realizes just how far she'd let herself go entirely. This wasn't her, not by a long shot.

 **"You're not your father so don't act like you are."** There's a pause between the two before the grip loosens but doesn't let go. Regina turns and tugs gently against Snow's arm, as if she's trying to lead her back to the parking lot. **"Come on. I think you need a break from your life."** Without warning and before Snow can pull away, a swirl of rich purple surrounds the two and they are whisked away to Regina's vault. Only then does her hand release it's grasp. The Mayor moves away, her sandy bare feet padding softly across the room while the younger of the two continues to linger where she appeared. **"I don't know why I've entertained and participated in this charade of yours every year. I suppose I thought I was helping you."** She sits on one of the cushioned benches that lined the wall. **"That keeping my distance was what was needed but really it was what was easier... for both of us."**

Snow looks like she wants to run. The way her eyes dart up the trail of stairs that led up to the cemetery and the way her boots nervously shift tell the whole story. **"Please just give me today and then tomorrow we can go back to being how we are."**

**"I don't think I can do that."**

**"And why is that? Why ca-.."**

**"Because _you_ wouldn't."** Regina waits for the protests to start but it doesn't happen. The young woman just quietly lowers herself to the last stone step in the small hallway of the vault; sitting there as if she's in time-out. **"If roles were reversed, _you_ wouldn't do that. I'm taking a page out of your book. Fight me all you want but I'm not budging on this."** She watches as Snow's eyes slam shut while a pained look flashes across her face like she's just heard her death warrant read aloud. The two of them hadn't been around each other on this particular day since a few years back... when Cora had killed Johanna. Regina takes a moment to herself, allowing the silence to settle as they just breathe between the spaces. **"I understand if you can't talk to me about whatever this is but you _have_ to talk to someone, Snow. You have to let someone help or, at the very least, let someone try."**

 **"Do you think I haven't?"** Snow is ready to be done with this discussion so she can get the hell out of there. **"I don't broadcast it but I _have_ sat many an hour in Archie's office. Don't you think I want to be able talk this out? With him or David or even with Emma but they can't help me. They can't help because my problem is..."** She cuts herself off and looks away. Her hazel eyes shifting to burn a hole into the wall in front of her. 

**"...............is with _me_ , isn't it?"**

**"No, it's not."** The reply is quick but certain. **"....it's far more convoluted than that."** A long and deafening silence refills the space as both women try to process their own minds. Snow wonders if this was going to be it for her today. If being locked down here beneath a mausoleum was how she was going to spend this day; all in all it's not too bad, she's had far worst birthdays than this and in fact this one may be the tamest of them yet. 

Regina sits quietly, watching Snow who seems to have just crumpled in on herself; watching until the younger woman can't stand it anymore and turns to bury her face in her folded arms. This wasn't the woman she knew, not the same one who she had lunch with just two days ago. If this was how Snow was on this terrible day, no wonder she kept to herself. The Mayor looks down at her hands as she fidgets with some tassels of a pillow sitting next to her. She shifts her weight as she crosses her legs and in a rather meekly manner raises her voice to speak. **"I don't suppose you've had breakfast, have you?"** There's no reply or even so much as a movement from the other woman. **"I'll take that as a 'no' then."** She'd thought a change in subject would help the air around them calm down down but it doesn't seem to be doing the trick this time.

 **"Why did you bring me here, Regina?"** Snow's voice is muffled as she didn't bother to lift her face from her arms. **"What do you really want?"**

 **"I told you, I don't want anything. I brought you here so I could..."** There is another pause of silence as irritation mixed with anxiety begins to scratch against Regina. **"....I thought that I could maybe help you forget whatever it is that-.."**

 **"No."** The other woman's voice is louder and far clearer as she had picked her head up but it's turn to the side, away from facing Regina.

The older woman shakes her head with a scoff. Part of her is thinking this is useless while the other half is urging her to push harder. **"Is that a ' _no_ ' to wanting my help or a ' _no_ ' to not wanting to forget?"** She waits but again there is no answer. **"If it's the latter then I can't help but think you like having-.."**

 **"You honestly think I like this?"** Now she gets a reaction out of the woman. Her head popping up as her eyes make direct contact with Regina's. **"That I _want_ this?! To feel like I can't be around my family or friends, that I can't stand to even be around myself?!"** She pushes herself off the step and slowly approaches. **"That I like reliving this hell year after year with no relief?"**

Regina had last seen Snow riled up like this when they were in Neverland. So upset with David she could barely look at him let alone speak to him until it all came bubbling up. **"Then start talking! You've got to let someone in so it might as well as me be.... hell, I can dose us both with a forgetting potion if it all goes terribly wrong!"** She sighs after a long pause, quietly watching and waiting on her young friend. Her voice is low and somewhat soothing but not quite. Really, it sounds like she's hurt more than anything. **"What have your really got to lose, Snow?"**

Snow stands there, pulling a David Nolan stance with her hands on either hips while slowly pacing like a cornered weary animal. Her head shakes, unbelieving what the day is turning into and nearly counting her breaths as time drags by until she finally stops and slowly turns back towards Regina. Their eyes lock for a painful few seconds. **"....do it... make it, make the potion."**

The Mayor is stunned. Her back falls against the old brick wall behind her, scoffing as if to say ' _you've got to be kidding me_ '. It had been more or less a real offer but judging by the reaction she just received, she guessed she'd have to. She takes a deep breath, trying to encourage her shoulder's to relax when she sees Snow isn't budging. **"Fine, but I suggest we wait before I do."** Snow's hands drop from her hips and she just about to give her opinion but Regina isn't finished. **"Maybe I won't want to forget. Maybe I need to know and remember these things."**

Snow's right thumb and pointer finger come up and pinch the bridge of her nose as she paces away. She should have just stayed in bed; should have just stayed home and made herself busy around the farmhouse because lord knows there was plenty of never ending work to be done. **"How did you want to help?"**

The fact that she's backtracking and trying to stall as much as possible isn't lost on Regina but she also knows this isn't something she can push Snow on. **"You remember when Emma took Henry to New York? When I broke the curse for us to escape Pan? ...I gave them new memories. _Good_ memories."** She leans forward with a little shrug as she looked down as her still somewhat sandy toes, lightly swinging her feet. **"...Thought maybe I could do the same for you."**

**"They wouldn't be real."**

That's exactly what Emma had said. Like mother, like daughter. **"But they would be for _you_. They wouldn't change anything in the here and now but maybe they could help you move past whatever this is if you would just tell me."**

The air around them falls quiet as Snow turns away. She's quiet... quiet for a long time as she thinks the offer over. She wants to say yes. Oh, she wants to say yes so badly she aches but she keeps retelling herself that the memories wouldn't be real. New memories of her mother would be such a comfort; new memories of more birthday's spent with her... but no. They wouldn't real, they'd never be real. **"........Seventeen."**

Regina's head cocks to the side, unsure if maybe she had missed the rest of a sentence. **"What?"**

**"You asked when was the last time I had a cake. I was seventeen."**

The Mayor draws in a slow, deep sigh before releasing a breathless... **"....oh."** She remembered that birthday all too well. The terrible night before, constantly fighting and forcing herself not to poison the cake. Instead she decided on a much more cruel fate for her step-daughter by sending the girl out into the woods just a few months later with what would have been her murderer. She'd promised herself a long time ago that she wouldn't turn out like Cora, but it seemed she had followed in her footsteps anyway.

After what felt like an eternity, Snow finally turns back to Regina but it seemed like she can't retain eye contact for long, at least not with these walls falling away. **"I am _so_ angry."** It's nearly a whisper as she leans against Regina's solid marble podium and sinks to the ground with her knees bent into her chest. Her soft tone and demeanor don't match the words but Regina knows they're true. **"I have such angry and hateful thoughts towards the Evil Queen and Cora and.... and in a way, towards you too."** She swallows hard, unable to believe she had just said that aloud. **"Things that I can't say because I don't want to hurt you. _You_ , my friend, didn't do those things.... _she_ did." **She takes a quick but heavy and shaky breath as she grows irritated and frustrated with herself. **"I wish I could leave these thoughts in the past, wish I could forget and let it all go but I can't and each year I hate myself a little bit more for that. And I know, _I know_ , Cora was a smothering, vengeful and manipulating woman who treated you and your father terribly. I get that, I really do..... and yet, every time this day rolls around I still can't help but be jealous in my rage."**

Regina finds herself pulling an uncharacteristic move, folding her legs up under herself so that she sits cross legged. **"........jealous?"**

 **"You had your mother, Regina, and I had..."** The words burst from her lips before she could stop herself and the pair can only look at each other until Snow folds. Her head falling back as her eyes close, the ever evolving and smothering silence seeping back in until she breaks it with a painful sigh. **"....I know that version of you hated me and I know how this all sounds. Believe me, I know what a selfish and horrendous bitchy brat I'm coming across as. I feel horrible and borderline batshit crazy for even feeling this way but how do I change it? How do I change what I feel? ...what I've felt for almost all my life?"** Regina sits there quietly listening and trying to absorb everything in. She's not sure what to say or if there's anything she _can_ say. **"Back then, I thought I had the Queen as my mother or at the very least someone who could fill that role for a few years... someone who could lessen the blow of the loss but it was a lie. A lie I figured out in the hardest way possible."** She sniffs. The corner of a sleeve from her sweater finding it's way up to wipe her nose as her eyes open to stare up for a few seconds. Then her gaze falls from the ceiling bricks, landing on Regina. The look isn't hateful or even regretful, it's just a simple sad and pained look. **"There are so many things I wish I could ask my mother, things I want to know but I can't."** Snow takes a shaky breath as the back of her hands swipe away the tears that had been building. **"I remember the day she died but other than that my memories of her are just fading fragments.... like I'm trying to see through foggy glass."** Her knees fall away, folding in criss-crossed to mirror Regina's posture as she hunches over, her fingers twirling around the shoelaces of what she now realized were Emma's boots and not her own. **"There's something a version of you said to me that I can't seem to scrub out of my mind because they ring true every year. It was after the curse broke, after your mother came back into our lives. I tried to convince you that she didn't love you or Henry."** From where Regina sits, she can see Snow's bottom lip start to tremble. **"...you said, ' _what would you know about mothers_ '?"** A pained scoff is muttered from between those blood red lips as she shakes her head. **"And you know what? ...that you was right. Turns out I don't know shit about them or how to be one."** It must have been more Evil Queen in those words because regrettably Regina doesn't remember them ever leaving her lips and she hates it. She, Regina Mills, would have never said that to her dear friend. **"I feel like I'm winging it trying to raise Neal. That eighty percent of the time it's David who is parenting, not me. As it is, I still struggle with Emma."** She's fighting with everything left in her to keep herself together for just a bit longer. **"....I'm inadequate."**

Regina can't listen to anymore, pulling herself down from the little cushioned bench to the floor in front of the other brunette. **"Sno-..."**

 **"No, don't! That wasn't you, not the you that's here now. Yes, there's a part of you that was my step-mother, but that half is gone now too and I'm sorry but this new you can't fill that role anymore even if you feel like you need to."** Her chest is heaving once again as she's fighting the emotions rising. **"And I know we are done living in the past but I am so angry for losing her, for losing all my mothers like Johanna and even The Queen.... I mean, look at what I did! I took Cora from you! I kept lying to myself, telling myself that killing her would be best for everyone, that it was everyone's best chance.... but really it was because I wanted revenge. I thought it would be the end of this... this heaviness in my heart, that disguising my selfish motives and lying to myself for just once would be enough but it wasn't!... _Nothing_ has been enough."** Snow falls forward, burying her face in her open palms as her elbows dig into her knees.

There the other woman sits, less than a foot away in front of her unable to speak. No wonder Snow had a hard time talking to anyone about this. These were old but deep-seated heavy issues she'd been trying to deal with on her own for so many years and to be honest, it was something Regina couldn't quite relate to. She'd never mentioned it before but she had a few softer memories with Cora. Her mother had always made a big deal on her birthday, demanding only the best from the village baker and seamstress while Regina was primped and pampered. One year, she even remembered her mother had........

........Regina stops herself.

This is exactly what Snow meant. She didn't have these memories. Having a mother as a Queen meant she rarely saw her to begin with, that she was practically raised by servants, maids and tutors... Johanna had been more of a mother to the young Princess due to the circumstances and she too had been take away by Cora. Judging how fiercely Snow could love, there was no doubt in her mind that Eva had loved her daughter dearly but her duty to the Kingdom came first, just like Leopold's.... another parent Snow barely had time with. Aside from grand balls and birthdays, there wasn't much family time to be had in the castle and Regina was someone who knew that first hand. Even when she was Queen herself she had treated Snow with such coldness that it was a surprise that the child loved her, but how could she not?.... that was all she had.

Before realizing it, Regina is moving. Her arms instinctively reaching out and pulling Snow to her. For half a second she expects to be shoved off but instead the younger woman completely folds into her. It was as if she'd been waiting for someone, anyone, to sit down with her and force her into untangling this madness in her brain. The Mayor adjusts herself so that she's able to sit closer to younger woman whose grasps tighten on her heather grey wool jacket as she finally allows herself to release a cry into her shoulder. Words are backed up in Regina's throat, she doesn't know what to say... if this was a moment needing words of comfort or encouragement or maybe nothing at all. Cradling the back of Snow's head to her chest she finds herself gently rocking as her chin settles down atop the mess of ebony. She wanted to help, wanted to some how fix this but this wasn't the sort of thing that has a solution found in one afternoon. Then a new idea pops into her head, maybe with a bit of magic she could help just not how she had originally planned. **"...sleep, Snow..."** Her right hand comes up to the left side of the woman's face with her fingers laying along her tear soaked temple, an old spell Mal had taught her. Immediately Snow goes quiet and her body goes limp, now dead weight against Regina who now leans against the same podium for support for just a moment before the pair of them disappear in a cloud of smoke.

The younger of the two materializes on the sofa in the manor's livingroom as Regina appears beside her. With a flick of Regina's wrist the fireplace lights as a folded blanket forms over her arm. She unfolds it and lays it over her sleeping friend who's still feeling frostbitten to the touch. Another flick of her hand brings a small ottoman beside the sofa where the Mayor sits, leaning forward towards the other woman. **"I've never done what I'm about to try so I apologize if it's a little rocky... but I'll try to be as gentle as possible."** Both thumbs rub against their corresponding index and middle fingers. When little swirls of magic begin to form her fingers are placed back on Snow's temples and Regina closes her eyes.

She's searching Snow's memories, zipping pass the current ones and the twenty-eight years of Mary Margaret until the memories start to change worlds. Meeting Charming in a swinging net... meeting Ruby's mother in a wolf den... the Huntsman chasing her in the woods... at this, Regina wants to pull back, wants to call this quits as she knew things were only going to get darker but she pushes on. There's a boy in the woods... she recognizes him as Hercules, watching as he helps her with the bandits... it's a brighter memory, perhaps only because of their recent trip to the Underworld a few years back. Regina smirks as Snow has her first kiss but then she flings further back and she see's herself as Queen. She sees herself and can't help but wonder if this is how Snow had seen her or if it was a true depiction. She can't linger here, skipping backwards even further until the memories become distorted... black and grey moving shapes with only a dimly lit face here and there. Leopold, Cora, and herself appearing now and again but mostly it's Johanna and several of her tutors until finally Regina hits a wall and Snow releases a soft groan and twitch. She's shut her memories down whether she's conscious of doing it or not. This is old forbidden territory she's unwilling to venture down or allow anyone else to. **"....don't fight. You know me, Snow..."** The purple swirls of magic at her fingertips darken as she tries again, pushing harder while placing her forehead down against Snow's. A thick crack forms in the wall and when Regina tries to break through again it crumbles into dust.

It's dark in this part of Snow's memory... and indeed, it is like trying to see things through a foggy or cloudy mirror. There's a mumbled voice humming in the background, it's female and one Regina doesn't recognize but it grows louder as does the scene in front of her. A bright and vivid memory of Queen Eva slowly dying in bed as a young Snow tenderly touches her face, pleading for her mother to not leave her. With this, Regina feels she has overstepped her bounds and again wants to pull out from these depths. Peering in on a precious and yet painful memory that no one had the right to. It's only made worst when she bares witness to private words of guidance from the former Queen to the Princess. _**"As long as you hold the spirit of goodness in your heart, I shall never leave you."**_ Perhaps this was the root of this issue, the reason as to why Snow's approach to her birthday was so skewed. After the darkness she had allowed to grow in her heart, maybe she thought her mother had left her along with the goodness that was once within her.

This was something Regina wasn't going to stand for. She continues to search in the dark recesses of this woman's mind, looking for any glimmer of Eva she could find and brightening those memories as much as she can. She wouldn't allow anymore foggy spaces here as she pulled everything into the light. The woman's voice, her laugh, her scent of warm lavender and snowbells, the smallest of gestures in her face and a subtle hand squeeze in the library that almost goes unnoticed. Pulling and pulling she doesn't stop, digging up everything she can locate until she comes to Snow's earliest memory that's still tangible. The child must be three of four and sits in bed that's like a sea of stuffed animals. Johanna leans in and has kissed her head and tucked her in giving Regina the sense that this was the usual nightly routine. But there's a knock and in the doorway is a Queen Eva looking very different. No makeup or painted lips, her long hair is down and flowing by her side as she's dressed in a cream coloured nightgown with a book in hand. The memory gets a little blurry but Snow is laying against her mother's chest while fiddling with a tassel from her robe as the Queen reads aloud until her little one drifts off to sleep. This is the memory where she decides to leave Snow: warm, safe and secure in her mother's arms.

Opening her eyes, Regina find a thin trail of blood from Snow's nose. **"...I did try to be gentle."** Breaking that wall appeared to have had it's own consequences. A handkerchief poofs into the Mayor's hand, wiping the porcelain face clear free from that crimson streak. A sad smile crosses her lips... sad that the last memory she'd found was the only one of it's kind, sad for both Snow and Eva. She knew the former Queen was desperate for more time with her daughter, just like Snow was with Emma. History had repeated itself even if it didn't follow the same path.... but this is where it would stop.

\----------------------------

The first thing that wakes her is the stiffness in her mid and lower back as she shifts her hips. Sleeping on a couch in your mid-thirties isn't the easiest thing especially when your aren't aware you've done it. Her eyes flutter open and she finds herself warm beneath a blanket beside a crackling fire rather than the floor of the cold damp vault she last remembered being in.

 **"How are you feeling?"** The voice catches her off guard. Sitting beyond her feet is Regina in her big overstuffed chair with her ankles crossed on a small ottoman.

 **"Tired.... exhausted, almost."** Snow sits up slightly, her elbow propping herself up as she rubs her eyes. **"My head is pounding."** Once open again, those hazel eyes narrow as she glancing around the room. Judging by how it's lit she knows it's no longer morning. **"What time is it?"**

Regina glances down at her down at her watch. **"It's a quarter after three."**

Snow sits up fully, alarmed that she's been out all day. **"Did I blackout?"**

 **"Mmm, sort of."** The older woman closes the book she'd been reading and lays it in her lap. **"I have something for you."** Without flicking her wrist, a half-filled silver cup appears on the coffee table.

Pulling the blanket away, Snow swings her legs over the side of the cushions. **"What is that?"**

 **"A little water mixed with the forgetting potion you asked for."** Regina's feet uncross themselves before sliding away to plant firmly into the carpet. **"That is... if you want it. If you think you still _need_ it."**

The younger of the two hesitates as her eyes slam shut for several seconds. She remembered how she felt and acted at the beach and all she had said in the vault but yet.. somehow.. she felt far more at peace now than she had in a long time. Like she'd just taken her first breath in many, many years; she was calmer and clearer, even. **"I take it you only made one?"** Snow stands, taking the cup up in her hand as she does so.

Regina watches for a moment before looking down at the book in her hands, her finger marking her place between the pages. She can't help but hold her breath, wondering if Snow was to the point that even thinking of, or remembering, happier times was too painful and that she'd need to forget all over again. **"Yes, just the one. I think today is something I need to remember but I'll understand if-..."** She's stopped by the sound of the the fire hissing, the contents from the cup now slowly crawling and steaming down the backside of the burning fireplace. 

**"I was wrong..... about Cora, I mean."**

**"What?"** Regina's brow wrinkles. She doesn't quite understand... she left Snow dreaming about her mother so how did she get back on Cora? Did she slip back into a different memory?

The silver cup is thoughtlessly examined before hanging at Snow's side while her eyes watch the fire dance. **"I was wrong to try and convince you she didn't love you. Even without her heart in her chest, she still did.... _greatly_. "** Her free hand raises to set against the mantle and gripping it tight. **"I'm sorry I took her from you. I truly am."** She had never wanted Regina to lose her mother like she had and yet... she had caused it anyway. 

As convoluted and strange as it was, she finds herself slowly understanding Snow's flow of logic. The old memories that had been awoken reminded the younger woman yet again of what she had done to another's mother. Regina clears her throat. **"...I haven't forgiven you for that."** Snow flinches as her head tilts away from her direction. **"...but, dare I say, I'm awfully close to it."** With a hard swallow, Snow slowly turns back to face Regina with what can only be described as a look of shock and bewilderment as a soft and subtle smile falling into both of their faces. **"I do feel like I need to apologize to you, though..."** Snow's brow raises in confusion as the smile fades from her blood red lips.. **"...for Johanna."** At the mention of the name, both women go quiet for several beats as they just look at one another. **"She was a good woman... loyal to a fault. She was always good to you as well as myself even though I know she wasn't my biggest fan."** Regina finds herself biting the inside of her bottom lip. **"I didn't know my mother was going to kill her but I should have and I'm.... I'm sorry I didn't stop her."**

A shuttered breath leaves Snow as she gives her friend a single nod. The words don't need to said when a look was all that was needed. She'd known since that day that Regina wasn't in on it, just catching a glimpse of the shock in the woman's face told her everything. **"I don't want to ask, but with all I've said and after all you've seen.... are we broken again?"**

 **"What? No, Snow, not at all."** The Mayor stands, tossing her book behind her into the chair before approaching. **"And we weren't broken the first time, either. Just...... _bent_."** There's a second smile in the older woman's lips, one that's genuine and soft as she places a hand to Snow's shoulder. **"I assure you, after today, nothing is broken _or_ bent between us."** The empty cup is dropped and before it can reach the carpet with a muted _thud_ Snow has her arms wrapped around Regina's neck in tight embrace. The smile widens within the older woman as her arms wrap around the other, softly patting the shaking shoulders. **"I want you to listen to me: I never, _never_ , want to hear you say you're inadequate to be a mother, do you understand me?"** There's quiet space between them for a second longer than what's acceptable which prompts Regina to pull back; her thumb quickly swiping the silent tears sitting on that pale face. **"What was it you said to me? ....' _you are not all evil and I am not all good_ '... and you're right. Things are not that simple, you're tarnish just like I am..."** Snow whimpers and looks away but the older woman's hand is quick to correct that. **"...but who, out of any of us, aren't? That doesn't make you a bad mother, not by any means."** She offers up another smile but Snow doesn't seem to respond to it. **"And no matter what you may think, your mother hasn't left you. She's still right here."** Regina's left hand lays against Snow's chest over her heart before patting twice. **"...as is your goodness."** The tears fall quicker than can be managed as Snow now understands where that memory-dream had come from. Once again, Regina finds herself in warm embrace as a shaky whispered _thank you_ reaches her ears.

When Snow pulls away she turns her face back to the fireplace as she tries to clear her eyes. **"You know, it's funny..... ever since Neal was born, I've been compelled to read to him. I didn't know what prompted me but it just felt like I needed to, like it was right."** A pale hand raises, pushing her bangs out of her eyes. **"David will get him ready for bed and tucked in and then I read to him until he falls asleep."** Her teary gaze falls back on Regina with a knowing look and smile on her lips. **"Now I know why. You helped me remember."**

Regina can't help but imagine the woman would have done the same for Emma, too. **"Come on..."** She gently tugs at Snow's arm when she wipes the new tears with her sleeve as the Mayor pulls her along across the foyer and into the dining room. Sitting on the table in the dimly lit room is a small and very light pastel yellow cake. Next to it is a dark red box with a matching yellow ribbon tied into a bow. With a snap of Regina's fingers candles appear, lighting themselves one by one in quick succession. **"I know it's David with a sweet tooth but I could help but make it."** Regina is unable to read Snow's face and can't help but think this dessert is what's put her too far over the edge. **"....I'm sorry, I should have asked."** But before she can wave her hand to dismiss the cake, she's stopped; firm but gentle fingers looped around her wrist.

**"No, it's okay but...... you're rather short a few candles."**

**"No, I'm not."**

The woman snorts. **"I'm a teacher, Regina, I think I can count. And unless you're trying to be kind, which I appreciate, there's only eighteen candles. I'm thirty-five."**

Regina can hear the smile in Snow's voice and substitutes a small laugh for herself. **"Yes, I'm aware but there's exactly how many I meant for there to be. Count again."** With a heavy sigh, Snow does just that and yet... yep, there are still the same amount of candles. When she turns back with a question in her face, her friend is waiting with an answer. **"We aren't celebrating your thirty-fifth birthday today, not with me at least."** Her hands settle on the back of the high-back dining chair in front of her. **"If you'll permit it, I'd like for us to pick up where we left off and instead celebrate what would be your eighteenth birthday."** Snow stares at her blankly for several long seconds. It was strange wording but Regina only expands by a nod towards the gift box sending chills down the younger woman's back. The pale yellow ribbon is untied and the lid is slid open and Snow is left staring inside, unable to move a muscle, look away, or even lift the object. Regina moves in closer, her hand gently cupping the small of her friend's back in support.

 **"I can't...... I can't accept this, Regina. It's yours."** Now she understands why the phrase had been chosen.

**"No, dear, it's _yours_.**

**"B-..but.."**

**"Yes, it became mine when I married into your family, but it was your mother's long before then and I think it's high-time it's returned it to the rightful owner."**

The Princess' hand reaches into the box, her fingers gliding over the crown's edges of fine filigree before her thumb slides over the large diamond in the middle, it's as if she's afraid to touch it. **"I wouldn't have been able to have been Queen at eighteen... and how you managed it so gracefully, I'll never know. You're far braver than I've ever been."** At this Regina says nothing, the only sound emitted from her is a heavy breath that aches within her chest. **"I can't and won't accept this. You were always Queen and I have never had the desire to take that from you, especially not now."** Snow bites her bottom lip as she closes the lid once again, her fingers lingering along the corners. **"I have a better idea."**

**"What's that?"**

**"If I'm to have this, then I'll inherit it as it should be. Until then, how about you hold on to it for me? I don't expect to need it anytime soon and if it's in your vault then I know it's safe."** The box is pushed across the glossy wooden table towards the Queen.

**"Are you sure?"**

**"Absolutely."** There's no hesitation. **"I don't think I could follow in your footsteps even at this age. Besides, you've done far more than enough today already."** Snow pauses for a moment longer. **"You've given _Her_ back to me."**

Regina would never admit it, but she was fighting a losing battle. A big, wide and nearly toothy grin fills her face as it's her who pulls Snow into a hug, one that's quickly reciprocated. She squeezes her friend as she tilts her head down to mutter words the other hasn't heard in nearly a lifetime. **"...Happy Birthday, Snow."** And it truly was a happy one, hands down the best she's ever had with plenty more to come.

_~FIN~_


End file.
